The following are all things that suck ass. Updated whenever the hell we feel like doing it.

04-08-02 (the last known "out" attempted)«««

»»» CHAD

1. THE DISMEMBERMENT PLAN. Before you get your panties in a bunch, I'm not
dissing the Plan. It's just that I'm not sure that I get them. I only own their latest, Change, which I enjoy for the most part. Live on stage, though, it seems like each guy is playing a different song. Front man Travis Morrison with his dry, plaintive vocal delivery sort of skims across the top of this mess. I'm not sure it works. I'm not sure I get it.
2. THE CHARLATANS UK. This pretty much sums it up. I'm sitting in my cube
rocking this online webcast of a recent show of theirs, when this guy comes
over to my desk during "Love Is The Key" and asks, "What the hell are you
listening to? Britney Spears?". I was stuck for an answer.
3. CORPORATE SPONSORSHIP OF STADIUM NAMES. So they're taking down the big purple letters that spelled out PSINET at the Ravens Stadium. It'll have a
new name in time for the next season. The Astros don't play at Enron Field
anymore. 3Com is pulling out of their sponsorship of Candlestick. It's sad that we build these huge monuments to our sports-centric culture, and yet they change names every few years. How many names do you think the Coliseum (the one in Rome, not in Nassau) had? Actually, the Coliseum was originally known as The Amphitheatrum Flavium, but you get the point.
4. THIS FUCKING COUPLE STANDING IN FRONT OF ME AT THE DEATH AND DISMEMBERMENT SHOW. I mean fucking as an adjective, not a verb, just wanted to clarify that before I start. Thanks. So this couple that was so madly in love had to stand in front of me during Death Cab. Their heads created a field goal through which I had to watch the show. Every 50 seconds they would kiss and neck, thus blocking my view of the show. So now you're thinking, "why didn't you move you dumbass?" I didn't move because there was nowhere to move to, that's why. The joint was packed. So, Death Cab launched into a rocking version of I Was A Kaliedoscope, and all of a sudden the girl started shaking violently and clearly involuntary. The boyfriend didn't do anything, and I got a bit freaked. I then figured out she was dancing, or trying to dance I should say.
5. MOBY. Remember when you used to have debates with your friends about
which mix of "Go" was the best? Or remember how you didn't understand how "Next Is The E" could not be about ecstasy? Those days are long gone. Now I get emails like this, in regards to this proposal that I'm working
on here at work (keep in mind this from a middle aged executive, and I
quote): "For example, the logo treatment in flash with the Moby soundtrack
could be utilized nicely for opening, closings and a reoccurring thematic." Now, Moby doesn't suck just becuase middle aged executives are name-dropping him in emails to me, Moby sucks for a hundred other reasons, which I'll save for another day, or maybe next year, when we do Ins and Outs again.

»»» SCOTT

1. PEOPLE WHO GO TO SHOWS TO HANG OUT AND TALK. (Close your eyes for this one if you don't like four letter words.) Listen you fucking jackass, I didn't buy a ticket to go the The Bowery Ballroom to hear you and your khaki-clad, braided belt warrior of a friend hit on two dumpy chicks that giggle incessantly. Nor did I come to hear the three Murray Hill chicks that came to be hit on by indie rock guys, laughing and talking above the music. And I especially DID NOT GO TO A SHOW TO HEAR TWO INDIE ROCK GUYS DEBATE WHAT THE BEST METALLICA ALBUM IS WHILE I'M TRYING TO HEAR DEATH CAB FOR CUTIE, THE FUCKING BAND ON THE FUCKING STAGE AT THE FUCKING SHOW THAT YOU TWO FUCKS BOUGHT A FUCKING TICKET FOR. I seriously might start bringing an air horn to shows and blare it in peoples' ears when they start talking over the music.

2. BANDS ON KROCK. Look me in the eye and tell me if one crap band on this awful radio station sounds different from the next. I dare you to tell me that Creed, Fuel, Lit and Puddle of Mudd sound different. I fucking triple dog dare you.

3. TALKING ANIMALS. Seriously, what is the fascination with commercials featuring talking animals? Did this not get old about five fucking years ago? Gateway computers has that dumbass cow (which I think is funny, because that whole company's identity is based on cow-patterned boxes, left over from the infamous Cow-Pattern Craze of a decade ago). Blockbuster now has a frickin' Guniea Pig that talks and dances. Advertising agencies must be scraping the bottom of the barrel for creative talent. The only thing worse than this crap could only be...

4. BABY BOB. Someone, somewhere, somehow finds this show funny. And somehow that shithead will wind up standing next to me at a show, talking above the music.

5. MY MULLETT. I haven't gotten a haircut in like three months, and whatever is starting to grow long and curl up in the back is really starting to scare me.


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