What? You thought your bestest pseudo-relative forgot you? For shame. Uncle Smackass ALWAYS has presents under his tree for you.

And no, “tree” is not a metaphor for “pants”.

It has been a long year for your favorite uncle. He helped construct an interweb destination for green-minded blue bloods, toiled deep in the dark chambers of the Death Star, and once bought a bottle of coconut vodka.

He hopes you forgive him. Mostly for the vodka.

He also worked tirelessly to engineer the greatest 2013 mix in the known universe.

May you have the merriest of holidays, not drink coconut vodka, and blare your presents when opened.

But never before.